These sweet faces were the only thing keeping me going this week. Honestly, I hate to whine and say "ooh-poor me" when major banks are crashing in the USA, food costs are worrying families, and new tensions are simmering about the tourist shooting in North Korea, but it's too f-in hot. "Aju-touhyoh." Or however I would spell "so-f-in-hot-that-I-will-bludgeon-the-next-pushy-commuter-who-rubs-their-sweaty-armpit-in-my-face-on-Line-1"...it's that kind of hot. But of course I didn't mean that literally. :) Not lil' ole me.:) But, I am from the Northeast. I can't get used to this climate! Lately, I arrive at school exhausted from the heat and the crowds. And the day hasn't even started yet. :( In fact, I don't really think my Korean colleagues can understand how hard it is for someone from a cooler climate to adapt to the summer here. A Canadian whom I know said the same thing to me. I read that an elementary school student in Seoul collapsed recently due to heat exhaustion. Sad. On the positive side, school will end before the worst of the weather is due to hit in August, Praise God!
At school, everyone is tired. My colleagues are tired. The students are tired. And I am tired. Worn down. The students have already taken their exams, including their English class exam, yet English lesson forge on. A lot of teachers, in many countries, not just here, will admit that kids don't retain much from the last two weeks of school. Their brains leap ahead to summer as the temperatures rise. So, I am trying to keep it light and fun. Throw a little English review in with a game and or an English video on a related theme for the second half of class. My brain is pretty fried though, and our classroom resources (and my ancient PC) are limited, so I am frankly just not pushing myself to do anything too amazing. Since July 4th, when the humidity hit ridiculous levels, English class is what it is. Unfortunately, teaching fatigue and the high heat also have some people at my school acting cranky. Heck, I'm cranky, too.
I'm also tired of the minefield of "Maybe." Let me give you an example of how the word "maybe" means different things to me, An American, than it does to a few of my Korean colleagues... One recent example of having a coworker tell me on Monday that "maybe" something (like a standardized test) will happen instead of English soon, and then that having that same co-worker act all annoyed when I show up to teach the next day. In English, maybe implies "maybe, but maybe not...be prepared for both alternatives" and I am not sure this subtly is understood by everyone at my school.
I am also annoyed by this point by English department co-workers who refuse to delegate work to me and then complain to me about how oh so much work they have to do. If you need to control every centimeter of your workload and won't delegate when appropriate,I am starting to think that you shouldn't have the right to complain on and on about it in the staff room! If you make your own bed, then you get to lie in it...
OK, enough with the bitterness. Many of co-wrokers are wonderful and tried to stand by me when I got sick this spring. My school could be worse. I am sure that at least one of my co-workers is annoyed by me and the different working style I bring to my school.
I am not cheerful every day (in America, it is not a young woman's duty to be cheerful). My too-small desk is cluttered by Korean standards. I improvise in class if the lesson plan isn't working instead of pushing it through to the bitter (boring?) end. I am tired first thing in the morning after a long, hot, packed commute. And, worst,I sometimes do not retain information imparted to me during the five minutes (say 10:40-10:45) I have to hurry and lug my English materials from one building to another.
But honestly, you know what? I don't feel bad about not being super-teacher. I have done the best I can in a challenging situation with very little consistent guidance. Thousands of miles from home. For example, my poor memory annoys me, too, but when given the oppurtunity, I write things down. I can't do this when I'm hurrying by with books, CD/roms and games as the roving minstrel of English! I have suggested a proper department meeting at a desk with a pad and pen many times. Yet it rarely happens. (Sometimes it feels like I am just supposed to compromise 100% of the time, no one else is, because I'm the Western outsider. Oye.)
Also, foreigners are, by definition, just different. I am different, my replacement will be different. That is part of the reason Korean schools hire us Westerners in the first place. I don't mean to spew too much bile, but that's honestly how I feel.
Yet, two WONDERFUL things have helped me hold it together. :)
1.My co-teacher and I have started giving out small rewards (little prize bags I made with goodies I purchased myself from E-mart) to the students who have participated the most in English Speaking Class. It is nice to honor the kids who have really put in the time and the effort all semester. I don't love spending my own money on school supplies, but in this case, the students have earned it! :)
Also, the end is in sight. I finally got a ticket home! I had to lay out the cash (and in fact borrow a speck from a friend to cover part of it), and my school will reimburse me. They didn't confirm this until the last minute which is, to be as charitable as I can be selecting an adjective, very , very gosh darned...let's just say typical. But, now the ticket is bought. I know I can go home on 8/30!! Praise the Lord! :)
I have enjoyed most of my travels here, but two years away from home is a long time. A looong time. A friend of mine told me this week after having a beer that she doesn't think that Koreans who haven't lived abroad (lived, not vacationed, not traveled, not "studied" in Down Under for a mere 2 months) can really understand the compromises Westerners make in living so many miles from friends and family in a radically different culture. The trade-offs we've had to make. I think that's very true.
But soon, sweetly soon, my destination will be...home! :)
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